Friday, September 4, 2009

Weigh-in Day.

Today's weight: 163. A gain of 3 pounds. Stupid uterus. And what's more annoying is that I didn't really get a good idea on how eating within my points worked (or didn't work) after doing the Wendie Plan the previous week, where I ate considerably more.

So my plan of action this week? I don't fucking know. More strength training? More points? I'm officially running out of ideas and it's getting to the point where I might seek out the help of an expert who can look at what I've been doing and point out a perfect fix that I'm clearly missing.

I guess I'll just continue to eat more of my activity points again. I'm hesitant to make any real changes this coming week because I don't know if my gain was 100% due to period bloat or if I didn't eat enough. I won't swear off allowance points like I did last week though. We're having a going away party for some friends tomorrow and I want to enjoy myself. I don't want to go overboard, but I want to indulge a bit, within reason.

ARRRRGHHH. I'm ready to just cut off one of my limbs so I can yell "Goal!" and call it a day.

Anywho. One thing I have noticed when I look over my entries at The Daily Plate is that I don't eat a lot of fat. Even on days where I eat more and go over my points, my fat intake stays pretty low. So, I'm going to try and make an effort to work on that this week. I've been taking my fish oil capsule every morning, but that's not enough when I load up on lean protein and low-fat fiber stuff all day. And it's hard to find a balance between eating more healthy fats and still not blowing my points, but I need to at least try.

FOOD:

breakfast:
egg whites w/ diced tomatoes- 1
r.f. pepperjack cheese- 1
onion alternative bagel- 1
1 oz. avocado- 1

snack:
bell pepper strips w/ PB2- 1
9 almonds- 1
cantaloupe- 1

lunch:
lean cuisine chicken parmesan- 6

snack:

dinner (planned):
mozzarella/garlic chicken sausage- 3
diced tomatoes- 0
potato- 3
green beans- 0
parmesan- 1

post-dinner:
cantaloupe- 1
slow churn no sugar added vanilla- 5
light syrup- 1
s.f. pudding- 1
PB2 sandwich- 2
popcorn- 1

total points used: 31/23
activity points: 40 min. incline training- 5
net points: 26
WAPs: 32/35 remaining

EXERCISE:

Went to the gym again this morning for more incline training. One positive note about my morning was that there was hardly anyone there. I guess Fridays are a good day to go. All the incline trainers were open when I got there.

The workout itself though was kinda grueling because I was in crap mood from the weigh-in. That's been one drawback to working out in the mornings, especially Fridays. If I'm not happy with the scale (which I haven't been for a few months now), my motivation to workout takes a dive. I still pushed through it, but I quit after burning 500 calories because I didn't see the point in doing anymore.

================================

So, here I am, another frustrated morning. My confidence has taken a blow the past couple of months. I've had to make compromises and it makes me feel defeated. I've given up on my 100 pound goal. And that's fine. But I can't even make it to 90 pounds. That is my goal again because it will put me at a normal BMI. And that's why this is so frustrating. I'm not trying to get to the lowest weight possible in the weight range for my age/height. I think that's the impression some of my friends/family/coworkers are under. I'm just trying not to be considered overweight. And it's getting more and more difficult each week to face the fact that I am still considered overweight, despite how hard I work. Yes, I know it's only by a few pounds, but killing myself to make it to the bare minimum is just freaking me out right now.

I'm trying to be patient, but it's been 2.5 years since I started this journey. And although I've come a long way, I'm so full of resentment right now that I can no longer see the finish line. I'm just going through the motions each week and becoming less and less optimistic with each weigh-in.

I know this is turning into a pity-post and for that, I apologize. I'm just being honest. It's getting harder and harder to be happy with myself. And I know that I'm the only one who can change my attitude, but there's nothing to inspire me at the moment. I've read dozens and dozens of articles from health/fitness magazines and websites and continue to do so each week. I have all this knowledge on weight-loss and a healthy lifestyle and for a while, that new knowledge was keeping me motivated. But now, as I search for new things to try, I feel like I'm reading the same things over and over and it just leaves me kinda numb.

I guess before I figure out what food to eat and what workout to do, the first thing I need to work on is getting out of this stupid funk.

2 comments:

tinaeat said...

I find when I eat more good things, I lose weight. Seriously, I think it's because you and I work out so much we need to eat more (no junk! good things!!)

If you were to look at seeing a professional, would you see a dietician? A trainer?

I also have an issue with getting fat in. My god, that is so weird to say. Remember the days where we didn't read labels, or didn't care how fatty things were, we just ate? I can't even imagine going back to that time. I have a hard time eating fast food and read every label I see.

How is your no sweetener challenge coming along? What time does your gym open at? Mine opens at 6am. Sometimes I wish I belonged to

I honestly understand exactly what you are going through. My heaviest weight ever was 265 (I am almost back at the 100lb mark) and my WW start weight was 258, I finally made it back to the 90lb mark, but I want to see that 158 again. I crave it so bad. I am so made at myself for letting myself gain back those 20lbs, now it is such a struggle to get them back off. I HATE IT. I am only 8-9lbs away, but it is going to take FOREVER to get them off. I know, I've been trying. I could write forever, but do you really want to read about how I know how you feel? Probably not. Hang in there.

Anyway, I am annoyed at your gain. Frickin woman stuff. Cutting off a limb? great idea. :P

Tamara said...

I'd probably start with a dietitian, if I were to see someone. I'm thinking whatever the issue is, it's probably food-related, whether it's certain foods I'm eating (or not eating) and/or how much. It's frustrating because the idea of "eating healthy" is relative. That said though, I still feel I eat pretty damn healthy, for the average person. Yeah, I have the occasional frozen entree and I do love my sugar-free pudding cups, but other than that, I don't buy a ton of processed crap. And most days, I'm actually impressed with the mix of foods I eat. But, there could be some major flaw that I'm oblivious to, and that's where a professional would come in.

As for not using Splenda, meh, that didn't last long. And really, I don't think it's as much of an issue as I thought. I highly doubt that having a packet with my coffee everyday is keeping me from losing. And the more articles I read, the less convinced I became that it's that bad for you and there's still no concrete evidence that it affects weight-loss, especially when consumed in low-to-moderate quantities, like I currently use. I think if anything, I was worried about it affecting the good bacteria in my digestive system, so I just started taking an acidophilus supplement again :P

My gym opens at 5 am during the week. 7 am on weekends, i think.

Thanks for your support, as always. This whole journey continues to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life, especially the way things are going now. Each weigh-in makes my nerves a bit more raw.